He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
