This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
