he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
