I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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