I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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