When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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