It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
