I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I can't turn off my feet"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
