For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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