Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
and you said cock pushups were impossible
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
