nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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