hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
