they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
