i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
