On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
