I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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