my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
