i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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