don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
