this must be what syphilis tastes like
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
