We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
