how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
