I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
