Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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