Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
BRING THE BAGELS
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
