I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
