I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
