On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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