Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
