he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
