Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
