My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
