First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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