I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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