Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
