From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
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you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
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Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
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