What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
