doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
