she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
