even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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