Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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