I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
