Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
