Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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