you would pick up someone in the library
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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