Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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