Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
