I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just cropdusted the office
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
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Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
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In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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