i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
