My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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