This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
