Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
