Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
