Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
