Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Hippo gnu deer
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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