Already got asked if we're dating
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
