If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
