Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
