So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
