Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
