We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
