so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
