Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
