dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
