I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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