Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
