the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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