my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
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Blood and glitter go together right?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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